Your life is waiting for you.

There is no guidebook for life. No Handbook for the Recently Deceased, but for the Actively Living, like in Beetlejuice. What would life be like anyway if we had a fool proof guide?

A lot of us want to feel safe in knowing that we are somehow guided. By our families, our institutions or even a greater knowing. And sure, we are. But those guides are on their own separate quests, and could also be completely lost. 

Each of us has our own journey in this life. We have to find our own way to maneuver. Our own way to step, and our own way to fall. When we rely on others to tell us how to live, we end up miserable, resentful, depressed, and filled with anxiety and angry.

Think about it for a minute, how much of what you believe is actually your truth? Really, take a pause, and have a think. 

I know it can feel obtuse at first, to ask yourself this question, of who am I really? Who am I outside of my conditioning, and learned behaviors, do these make up my identity?  

It took me decades to embody the truth that it is safe to have my own opinions and beliefs outside of my family and even my friends. At a base human level, we want to belong, we want to be a part of the tribe, so that we stay alive, this is hard wired into us. On top of that, those of us that grew into people pleasing, perfectionism, with a lack of boundaries, end up very easily going with the flow. But it’s not our flow. 

I use the term “grew into” for coping mechanisms and behaviors because they are just that, things that we learned, and developed based on our upbringing. Everything we learned as a child turns into a part of who we are. This is all the positive beautiful things we are, alongside the not so lovely parts of us, as well as the parts of us that we are not aware of. Yes, there are big parts of us we have no awareness of. I know it’s wild.  

Many of us struggle at some point in our lives to know who we really are, or how to get back to who we are.

We wake up in some routine that doesn’t really feel good, it actually feels awful. We dredge through the day, the weeks, and time it moves on. We just move along with it. And our life carries on. Not bad, but also not great. We feel alone, lifeless, and wondering how we got so lost. Some days are better than others, but still we feel, a dullness. A knowing that there is more to life than this.

When you notice this, that is a beautiful thing. This is life giving you your guide book. Well maybe not a book, but letting you know some aspect of your life is not in alignment. This self awareness is key to change, key to shifting learned behaviors. 

What do you do with this awareness? First, you celebrate it, you thank that knowing, your knowing, for speaking to you. Then you slow down and start to notice. 

What are the things in your life that aren’t in alignment? Make a list. Start now. It’s simple to know what they are. They cause a strong emotional reaction or you have a physical body reaction. Learning to read the cues from your emotions and body can take some time, and patience, and slowness. Be patient with yourself, have grace, and remember awareness is truly the first step.  

Next, write down anything that doesn’t feel like it’s in alignment. These can be small or big shifts you’d like to make in your life. Keep making this list over time, but don’t get caught up in having some perfect list. Once you have some form of a list, pick somewhere to start. 

It’s up to you how bold you want to go, if it feels good start small, if it feels good, start big. For example, if you sense waking up and scrolling social media isn’t adding to your day, if you sense it is actually making you feel overwhelmed and shitty about yourself, instead wake up, drink water and look at the trees. Really look at them, get to know them. Do this for 5 days, and record how you feel. Then compare it to how you felt scrolling. Now you have all the information you need to start changing your life, and finding out who you really are. If you want something bolder, sing to the trees. 

Did you sense judgment just then reading that? did you feel scared? something else? excitement? Well that’s just information to notice, information to be curious about. 

To live, is the rarest thing in the world.
Most people exist, that is all. 
- Oscar Wilde

I think the more we can challenge and shift our learned behaviors the more we expand and grow. Make it fun. Play. Be silly. Or if you’re always silly make it something else. Never the less, be curious, and meet yourself with a soft challenge to expand, to stretch, to grow. Meet yourself with grace, and ask yourself questions along the way, stay attuned to what is truly in alignment with you, the real you. 

If you live with someone they will likely notice these shifts. Perhaps they’ll be excited and try some new things too. Maybe you want to experiment on your own, or perhaps you want to bring someone along. Remember to not get discouraged by anyone else, including yourself. 

Just try it. Don’t over think it.

Often times we get stuck in over thinking. We go round and round about what we are doing wrong, what’s wrong with us, and how we need to be better, do better. get better. Please know this is also a learned behavior. 

Treat this like and experiment. Remember what it was like to be a child, to dream, and imagine and create from nothing, to play and be wild and free.  

Challenge yourself to the degree you are comfortable with. Start to notice where you are living a life that is not yours. Know, this of course takes time, we can’t undo decades of learning in days, but we can surely chose to take steps towards the life we want to live. 

I witness many folks who are stuck in the routine of life. Stuck in their learned behaviors. and sadly stuck in their life. Unhappy, sad even, and unaware perhaps that there’s another way. Unaware that they could be living a more aligned, joyful, wild, fun, brilliant, magical life. 

So to say, if we all had a Handbook for the Actively Living, we wouldn’t be living, not really we’d be following. Life is about taking risks, finding out who we really truly are, learning from the journey, living each moment in the present, gratitude, love and real connection. 

I believe in you, let’s do the thing!